Roadblock Tales Part 1

I had become expert at sporting roadblocks from a km away. The police ahead sign a mere 100m from the cops. Their own car with private plates safely parked off-road. I was flagged down, then I slowed down, deployed hazards and came to a stop in the middle of the road. Rolled down the window and said, 'kuricei?'. It's safe to speak in Shona 99% of the time. But I could switch at a moment's notice. 

Licence, the cop demanded. I pulled out my UK licence and gave it to him. Pakai apa, he said. Why, I asked. It's not kuti taku sungai we are just saying pakai paside. Then I say saka kana ndisina kusungwa why am I being asked to park? To allow other cars to pass he says. So other cars pass and others stop I persist. My wife then says, chingopaka tione. After I'm parked, the cop follows me and says extinguisher? I fidget with my iPhone to try and record the conversation and I think cop noticed. I ask if there's a burning car that requires an extinguisher as I open the boot and show him one. He's clearly not used to being asked so many questions. He ignores me and next wants to see my spare wheel. Who's problem is it if I break down I ask. I'll have to remove the two suitcases to show you the spare wheel I say. He hands me back my licence and says I can go. How's the UK he asks. Okay I say, I've only been stopped once in 10 years driving there. Meanwhile the one with the receipt book approaches the car saying, havana mhosva here ava? Zvanzi ndiende I say. Then the other cop asks how much are cars in the UK. Tengai ku Japan I advise, ku beforward dot com Then I complain but munomisa mota pakati pe road, this is an 80km/h zone, it's dangerous. They ignore and target an oncoming kombi. 

This was the second of 4 road blocks in a 10km journey. On a normal day I was getting stopped at least 10 times and everytime I vowed not to pay BRIBE. I NEVER DID.